Stay Close Don't Go
by hitsuji007
Summary: There's someone out there who deserves you more than I do but for me there's only you. -Natsume


Stay Close

**Stay Close… Don't Go… **

**by hitsuji25**

Summary: There's someone out there who deserves you more than I do but for me there's only you. -Natsume

Disclaimer: I don't own the anime or the song.

.¸¸.·´¨»«´¨·. ¸¸. .¸¸.·´¨»«´¨·. ¸¸. .¸¸.·´¨»«´¨·. ¸¸.

Natsume sat at the edge of the bed, a glass of brandy in hand, thinking of what he had done just a few hours ago. It was one of those nights again. It had been a long mission. This one lasted almost a week but he had no choice but to accept it. He had returned in one piece just this morning. He again lives to see tomorrow. However, that wasn't the reason he's drowning himself with expensive liquor. No. Why now when he been doing these missions for almost ten years and still counting. He knew the Academy will _always_ find ways or excuses to use his power for their own benefit.

"_Mikan…"_

Her name escaped his lips. The aforementioned woman had left a few hours back because… well… in a literal sense, he had hurt her. More on verbally, but also physically.

He didn't mean to. Pride blinded his senses. No. Nothing can justify what he had done. _Again._

**I'm staring at the glass in front of me,  
Is it half empty of our wins or have I ruined all you've given me?  
I know I've been selfish,  
I know I've been foolish,  
But look through that  
And you will see,  
I'll do better, I know,  
Baby, I can do better.  
**  
_FlashBack_

_Mikan awaited inside their apartment. 'Their' meaning hers and Natsume's. They've been married for quite some time now. She was in her night gown, pacing here and there, waiting for him._

"_Where are you, Natsume?"_

_It was morning and he is still not home. 'What, does he want me to die of worry each time he goes on these stupid overseas 'meetings'?' she thought. A soft thump on the door caught her attention as she immediately opened it._

"_Natsume!"_

"_So… Noisy…" An arrogant remark considering he was drenched in cold sweat and is already leaning on the door frame. _

_Just cold sweat? No blood? _

_Mikan would rather have blood. Wounds heal. However, upon the sight of him, it was an assurance that he had overused his powers once more, meaning his life span had decreased in a considerable grade_

"_Stupid! You were supposed to come home two days ago!" She caught him as he fell onto her. "Can you walk?" _

"_It… took me… longer than expected…" He was placed onto the living room sofa. She left him for a little while to retrieve a small medicine box from the adjacent room, their room. _

"_Here," She knelt down by his side and placed a small white pill on his hand. "Drink up." A glass of water was held to his lips._

"_No." he gently pushed the glass away._

"_Stop being stubborn!" Patience wasn't really her virtue, but she had to when it came to him. Unfortunately, it had run out two days ago. "You had me worried for so long, I won't tolerate this kind of crap! You can die another day now take your goddamn medication!"_

"_Pssh." He did what he was told and took the pill. "Who told you to wait for me?" he muttered under his breath._

"_What was that?" She eyed him sharply, almost daring him to retort._

"_Nothing. I'm in pain. OW." How sarcastic of him. He expected another noisy response from the brunette. None came._

_Mikan laid her head on his chest, on the spot right above his heart. "Thank God you came back to me." She forced herself not to cry but her voice cracked in resistance._

"_I'll always come back to you." He placed a hand on her head. After a while, she pulled away. She wiped unshed tears from her face. "You got that right. And I'll always be waiting here for you." She said to him with a small smile._

_Natsume sat up and caressed her cheek. "I'm home, Polkadots." He leaned down._

"_Pervert, welcome home."_

_They kissed sweetly. Just like how they would start any normal day, as if nothing happened. _

_Natsume transferred to their room so that he can rest. Meanwhile, Mikan started with her daily house chores. She stays at home after Natsume's missions, just in case he needed her. Otherwise, she bothers to go to Hotaru and Ruka's home to clean their house as a day job. Natsume never approved of it though, but Mikan reasoned out its better than doing nothing._

_EndFlashBack_

**If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,  
Don't tell me I will make it on my own,  
Don't leave me tonight,  
This heart of stone will sing till it dies  
If you leave me tonight.  
**

He looked out the doorway leading to the balcony. The moon is shining brightly tonight.

"I shouldn't have doubted her." He said with a guilty tone. "Damnit! And I just got back, too." He leaned his forehead on his palm. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything that I said."

He wanted nothing more than to spend the night with her in his arms. Has it really been that long since?

_FlashBack_

"_Next week… is our anniversary. Let's go someplace, just the two of us, okay?" She said these words not too long ago. She said these words before he had rested. _

"_Hn" was all he could reply before exhaustion took over him._

_That afternoon, however, when he opened his eyes, what he heard did not delight him. It was Andou Tsubasa. He could hear the intruder's laughter from outside. What's worse is that Mikan was laughing with him._

_He stood from the bed and walked towards the closed door. He opened it slightly to see his wife with her previous suitor talking and laughing about an unknown topic. Hands were clenched tight as he saw Tsubasa touch her hand, she pulled away immediately. Their carefree conversation turned serious. Mikan's features turned into distress upon his next words and soon she stood up from her seat out of indignation._

_Natsume wanted to burn the shadow-manipulator but he couldn't use his power. He was not fully healed yet. Nausea took over him as he leaned on the door, causing it to open wide, and revealing him to be eavesdropping. _

"_Natsume!" Mikan rushed to his side and caressed his face. She faced the visitor. "I think you better leave."_

"_Wait, Mikan-" Tsubasa approached her._

"_Leave. Now." Her tone was commanding him. It would even seem threatening. Her arms embraced Natsume's body, hoping even at the slightest, it would comfort his pain._

"_All right. I'll leave but think about what I said."_

"_I will never agree to it. Goodbye." She replied coldly. He showed himself out, leaving the couple._

"_You should have called me when you woke up." She helped him stand but he pushed her away._

"_I don't need a babysitter." He limped back to the bed. Mikan followed persistently. "I'm not babysitting you! I'm just… trying to take care of you! That's all." He laid back on the bed._

"_Then I don't need you to take care of me!" his deep voice bellowed at her, he would not even look at her. She winced. He's like this sometimes but somehow, he seemed angrier than usual. It would be best if she left him alone for a while._

"_Fine. I'll go prepare dinner then. You go cool your head or something." She left the room without a sound. _

_Guilt washed over him. He shouldn't have shouted at her. She was just trying to help. Contemplating on his mistakes, he stared into space. The image of Mikan laughing with Andou burned into his head._

_EndFlashBack_

**Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,  
I listen to your breathing,  
Amazed how I somehow managed to  
Sweep you off your feet girl,  
Your perfect little feet girl  
I took for granted what you do.  
But I'll do better, I know  
Baby, I can do better.  
**  
He remained still on his place at the edge of the bed, staring at his glass. He would not admit it, but he's waiting for her to return. It was like this when his stubbornness and pride took the best of him. She'd quietly leave him be for a while and come back smiling again. Yet this fight was an outburst for him. He had said too many words that he didn't mean. Bottom line is: it's his entire fault.

He called Ruka earlier, asking if Mikan was staying at his place. His best friend didn't hide that. There was no need to. Just so he can ease Natsume's worry. Ruka informed him that she was currently talking to Hotaru, his girlfriend, in the next room. With that, he did not ask for her anymore.

"She's in good hands. No need to worry." He convinced himself. Yet he'd rather have her by his side.

_FlashBack_

"_Hey Polkadots, what did that Andou guy tell you?" Natsume was leaning on the counter watching her. _

"_What?" She was in the middle of washing the dishes. He did nothing to assist her in anyway in doing the household chores. _

"_What did you two talk about?" he asked again._

"_Nothing much. He just… dropped by to say hi." There was hesitation in her voice._

"_You're lying." She dried her hands on her apron._

"_Natsume, I…"_

"_What did he ask you that you had to say no?!" He slammed his fist on the wooden table nearby, causing it to break. Mikan looked away and turned around. "Look at me when I'm talking to you." He gripped her chin, forcing her to face him._

"_Do you really wanna know? Fine! He asked me to leave you. He said I'm wasting my life taking care of man who would surely die in a blood bath. He said I don't deserve this kind of life." She looked away. Natsume's hands still burned her skin. Both his hands now gripped her arms._

"_If I did die, would you go and run to him to seek solace?!" _

"_No! I would never-!" She did not want him to say such words to her._

"_Would you have chosen him over me if you were given the chance?"_

"_I-"_

"_Did you suddenly think that maybe if you had not bothered to be with me you'd be living with a happier, even a longer, more fulfilling life compared to what I can only give you now?"_

"_No, Natsume-"_

"_Are you regretting now that you ever married me?"_

"_What are you saying? Can you even hear yourself saying these words?!"_

"_Am I wrong to say certain facts? It is assured that I will die within the few short years that I have left! I'll die while doing a mission or be killed by the academy itself!"_

"_Don't say such things!" She needs not reminding of painful truths._

"_One day, I'll be leaving you. Alone and uncared for. What of it then?"_

"_Stop it!" She couldn't take any more of this._

"_Aren't you here only because you pity such an unfortunate cat with no one to take care of? Andou is right! You're wasting your life with me! You cannot be happy with me! Not like this!"_

"_I cannot be happy without you!"_

"_I will soon die!"_

_**SLAP**__!_

"_Then I'll die with you! I'll kill myself if I have to!" Her loud voice woke him up from his insane rants. Tears poured from her eyes. "Didn't you hear me say that I could never agree? Did you really think that I could leave you, Natsume?! Damnit! I did not force my self to do any of this… this worrying, caring and waiting! Nobody paid me or bribed me to marry you. The hell of it, almost everybody was opposed to our union, isn't that what happened, Natsume?"_

"…" _He stayed silent without looking at her. _

"_You speak of things like Tsubasa could've given me a better, happier life but I do not long for any happier life than this. You believe that I'm wasting my life? I'm not wasting my life! Because it's for you. For you, Natsume. I'm doing all this for you. I'm here because I love you. I married you not because of pity, not because of anything! I married you because I love you .I love you because I just do. I don't know why, I just do. Can't you believe that?"_

_Silence ensued. How could he hurt her again? He didn't answer soon enough than she expected._

"_Mikan, I-I…" he raised his hand to touch her bruised skin._

"_Don't touch me! How dare you. You can't even trust my love for you." She ran past him. She grabbed her coat and slammed the door of their apartment. _

_EndFlashBack_

**If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,  
Don't tell me I will make it on my own,  
Don't leave me tonight,  
This heart of stone will sing till it dies  
If you leave me tonight.  
**

The clock in the hallway strikes 2 am. He dared not to sleep for fear that when he woke up she would still not be there beside him. He threw the glass on the floor out of frustration. He regrets every word spoken between them that evening.

He was jealous.

He was insecure.

He was… making up excuses. Nothing could make up for what he had done, for hurting her. He leaned once again on his palms, his elbows resting on his knees.

"Please come back, Mikan." He whispered to nothing in particular. Suddenly, the door creaked open.

"Natsume?" a soft voice spoke.

**And don't you know my heart is open, oh,  
it's putting up the fight,  
and I've got this feeling,  
that everything's alright,  
and don't you see,  
I'm not the only one for you  
but you're the only one for me.  
**

Mikan kneeled in front of him.

"Hey," She smiled brightly at him. How could she smile at him after what he has done? "Why aren't you wearing a shirt? You're gonna catch a cold this way." Her warms hand caressed his cheeks.

"Forgive me, Mikan." He said. She smiled once more. "Oh, Natsume." She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry." He embraced her around her small waist. "I'm sorry."

"Enough. It's all right." He held her tight, not wanting to let her go.

They kissed passionately until both gasped for breath.

"I thought you'll never come back." He settled in their embrace once more, his head on the crook of her neck. She giggled. Wasn't that usually her line?

"I'll always come back to you." She smiled happily. He is truly home now.

"Don't leave me ever again. Not like that. Not that long. Please… don't." It wasn't like him to sound desperate. Yet, it was unfair of him to ask her such a request when it was he who would always go off into dangerous missions. He held her tighter.

"I will never leave you, Natsume. So, please let me breathe." His hold on her loosened. He smirked. Does this girl not know the meaning of serious? He brushed away strands of hair from her smiling face. Her smooth hair glistened in the full moon's light.

"I love you so much, Mikan." He leaned his lips closer to hers.

"I love you too Natsume"

In the early mornings, they made love to each other. Always saying how much one meant to the other and how one cannot be without the other. The whispered and screamed each other's name. They relished every second of their time together.

**If you leave me tonight I'll wake up alone,  
(Stay) If you leave me tonight,  
(Close) I'll wake up alone,  
(Don't) Don't tell me I will  
(Go) Make it on my own,  
(Stay) Don't leave me tonight,  
(Close) This heart of stone  
(Don't) Will sing till it dies  
(Go) If you leave me tonight.  
Don't leave me tonight**

Natsume stayed awake. He did not sleep but he fondly watched his naked wife's form while sleeping on his chest. She'd sleep talk once in a while. Such a child.

"Natsume you pervert…" she nuzzled closer to his chest. See what I mean?

He held her closer to his body.

Questions like "What have I done to deserve someone like you?" or "What will become of me if I didn't have you?" or "What more can I do for you?" ran pass his lips, all directed to the sleeping body. He kissed her forehead. He thought about how he came about to confess his feelings for her knowing very well that he can only bring her pain. Moreover, she accepted him and loved him through it all. She was always smiling and understanding. Either that or she's just plain dense and stupid. In any case, he loves her. He's being emotional, yes. He'd be damned if anybody heard him talking like this, an egoistic ass like him.

"Just love me the way I love you." Mikan opened her eyes half-way. Did she hear him? It seemed not for she still looked drowsy. "Believe in me when I say I love you, Natsume. Even if it hurts, as long as you love me and I love you, nothing else matters."

"You're awake aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am. You've been staring at me for quite a while now, haven't you?"

"Yeah."

"I can't love you the way you love me though." He said calmly.

"Why?"

"Because I love you more than anything you could think of. I love you more than life itself. No, maybe you're the only one I love. I hurt you but I love you more than you'll ever know. You're love is the one you give to everybody, friends and family, yet your eyes are set on me. Your loving for me was more than I could ask for."

"Natsume…"

"There's someone out there who deserves you more than I do but for me there's only you. In my life, there is only you."

Mikan blushed at his words. "Since when did my ice cube of a husband learn how to romance?"

This time it was Natsume's turn to blush, but he hid it well with his hair.

"Oh, shut up." He was still so red. Mikan giggled.

"Hey." He looked at her in the eye with some sort of amusement. "What?"

"For our anniversary, I booked an island just for the two of us. A month long celebration. How does that sound?"

"Are you serious?" Her head shot up to look him in the eye, searching for any form of humor in his eyes. Then again, Natsume doesn't know how to crack a joke.

"We'll be leaving in three days."

"Oh my! Where in the-? How in the-? Why in the-?"

"I'm not telling. I'll keep you guessing until we get there." He said looking away. She stuck her tongue at him, but then smiled.

"I love you." She kissed him on his cheek.

"You'd better." He muttered under his breath. "What was that?" she eyed him sharply.

"Nothing. I love you too." He held her closer so that he can nuzzle her hair. She hugged back tight.

"Well, since we're both up, I'll fix breakfast. Or lunch since we've been in bed for a while." She shifted from his hold so that she can stand, but he pulled her back onto his chest in a way that she could hear his hear beat.

"No, it's okay." He whispered into her ear. She kissed his lips with her hands resting on his naked chest. "Fine, just let me breathe." She smiled brightly at him.

"Stay close… Don't go…"

.¸¸.·´¨»«´¨·. ¸¸. .¸¸.·´¨»«´¨·. ¸¸. .¸¸.·´¨»«´¨·. ¸¸.

Thank you for reading. It took me two days to finish this. Wow, it usually takes me a few months or so. Haha.

The song is "Stay Close, Don't Go" by The SecondHand Serenade. A wonderful song, really.

So, please forgive any wrong grammars or typos. I avoided using any Japanese phrases in this story.

Note: Mikan and Natsume are both 20+ yrs old and are already married. Yey! Hotaru and Ruka are still dating though. Oh, I don't have anything against Tsubasa-sempai, but I just had to make him look like the antagonist here so… please forgive me!

i have no better use of my blog ö 

This is for Karl. Yeah well, he wouldn't read any of my stories so I doubt he'd find out this story is for him. Nyahaha.

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